i understand perfectly

I know that a lot of u think that I don’t deserve him…or rather he deserves someone else..someone better ...i’ve been lied many times and I know that a lot of ppl are talking behind my back…they’ve been talking for almost 8 years now although I’m onli 13 and 5 months..they still do and I dun know why…for years and years.. all I could see were stares and awkward looks from ppl as I pass them in school…sometimes out of school

I’ve opened my heart many times and have been stabbed in the ribs most of the time...i've learnt to keep my feelings locked up somewhere safe where nobody could reach them...i learnt to trust no one except myself...i try to shut myself from the world but i know that that's not the way to solve it..but what could i do..the bruises may be gone but the scars stay forever...i have flashbacks...sometimes my mood swings and i dunno why...those horrible horrible ppl...

they've done ntg but corrupted me, screwed me up and completely messed me up...i'm screwed....

someone told me abt what others were saying abt me and the first word that came out of my mouth was '0o' and that was that..i already knew that i couldn't trust anyone so y start believing that they will support me, hold on and be there by my side through thick and thin..i knew that it was happening anyway

and now my heart is really heavy...i'm dying i'm bleeding...i'm lying to my dear..i pretended that i'm happy when each day..i was dying more and more and more..now i'm lying to him agn because if i told him the truth..a wave of guilt would wash all over me and ppl would think that i was selfish...i'm crying now but i'm sure that it will dry in the morning or hopefully be4 i sleep...i need sleep..i'm sick...i'm coughing...vomiting...i feel so empty...

i couldn't eat dinner..i was swallowing i didn't taste it because mum is sick too and dad mood became worse

can't he tell that i'm upset-of course not

how could u be so heartless...so happy...

y is it happening all over agn

why are so many ppl trying to separate us...or just me from him...i don't get it but i do understand y...i just wanted to be happy...y is it so hard to be happy...i want to feel it agn...i want the moment..i want to feel loved..but no...

this post is probably one of the most truthful post of all my 107 posts...

pls no comments...dun post anything abt this on my tagboard...

i dun wan to see it